running away..

I looked out of the window , it was still dark outside . I put my shoes on and pulled the laces with all the strength hoping they would not get loosened on the way , and I wouldn’t ‘ve to tie them again .

I looked in the mirror , i could see him ,  he looked angry . I took my watch and hooked it on my wrist , still looking at the mirror I said something unpleasant to him , I could see the anger growing on his face , he pointed a finger on me , narrowed his eyes , stared for a moment and turned his back on me .

The small stone which was enjoying it morning sleep was set rolling on the road by my furious kick , as it rolled on the road it called out abuses on me , went straight the alley , hit a tree bark and lay there , it was still staring at me when I went by , its expressions were as cold as itself .

I had reached the main road , the road was wet and slippery , the yellow lights of the lamp posts were making them look more dull and lifeless , there wasn’t a soul on the road , I was early today .

I started with small steps , there was no rhythm in my steps , my mind was preoccupied with what had happened last night , it was the last straw .

“ I have bad news for you “ , there was silence on the phone , may be he expected me to say something , “ why don you come down tomorrow , I ll explain the legal procedures”

“ you there ? “ he asked in un unsure tone . It was my attorney . “ ya  ,  I ll see you tomorrow “ ,  I mummered ,  and kept the phone . 

The sweat had started rolling down the sides of my head , I was running hard now , I wanted to run harder , hard enough that my muscles could tear open , inflicting pain in every nerve inside me . Sometimes self inflicted pain serves as proxy to other problems , it takes your mind off the shackles .   

“ NO ! !  we cant  and I cant take it any longer “ she said , loud enough to get us the unwanted attention , I tried to steal my eyes from  the ‘elegant ’ and ‘sophisticated ‘ crowd , held her finger and said “ don’t do this to me , you know I wont cheat on you “ ,

but I was late , she had made up her mind , she slid her fingers off my hand , and left ,

while I sat there , repenting , angry , exhaust , sad .

I was running harder than before , and my lungs were wearing out , the cigarettes that kept me awake all night focused on my work were taking their tolls , I wanted to burn out all the nicotine and tar that I had accumulated in myself over the last year , I was not going  to give up so soon .

“ not a penny more than my previous offer “, “ take it or leave it “ . it wasn’t good enough to cover any expenses , but it was the best I was offered  , I handed him the keys with a heavy heart and  hidden anger , ‘ people just eat you away ‘, ‘ they are scavengers , always on the lookout for carrion ‘.

My prized possession was history now , I watched him drive it out , and he was gone , I was left with a cheque and  the roar of  the beast he throttled the envy of my neighbors  . The roar was going to haunt many nights to come  , I though as I made my way to the door.

Drenched in my sweat head to toe , I was still running , slower now , my breath had worn out . I was panting heavily , my heart pounding inside me , it was ready to explode , it felt like it would tear open my chest and come out to breath . I felt miserable and I wanted to cry out  loud , felt like  even my body had betrayed me .

Life is a game of snakes and ladders , roll your dice . A good roll takes you up the numbers and a bad one leaves you right where u started . You would never find a ladder and snake on the same line except the last row , I was bitten on the last roll , I had lost all I had and all I had worked for  .

I wished I could have run hard enough to run into some parallel matrix  or could evaporate into fumes and depart from the world , but I was still there .

I sat by the road , on the pavement ,  head looking down , between the knees .

 The sun had come out , beaming through the leaves , I looked up , let out a deep breath of  sigh .

**cont. as the beautiful death. **