the legacy of darkness .. .. ..

Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
But the memory remain... ..

(METALLICA )

LEGACY OF DARKNESS

“does music play in your brains all the time “ , he asked , I turned to my left , looked at him , surprised , for it was not a question I expected from him in the middle of CPR’s class , “sometimes , when I want to “ I replied keeping my eyes on the notes , hoping he wouldn’t catch us talking in the middle of his lecture . He didn’t say anything after that , he usually doesn’t , doesn’t let people know about his internal conflicts . Well , not to everyone .

It had been 2 months legacy had last played , and the signs of weariness from the last band meeting were still visible on his face. As CPR explained the process of ionic cell implantation  , eyes on the board , pen in the hand scribbling circles , I was already lost  in the night  , when I saw them cry , the night when I  saw them together for the last time.

“ Dad called . “ , “ they want me to come back .”, declared Bakri , keeping his eyes on the ground , he didn’t have the courage to look into their eyes .

There was silence in the room , everyone was looking at him , trying to figure a way out in their brains , “I think it’s over “ , “I think its all over “ he looked up , relieved of the weight he was carrying inside him .

My eyes took me to Jit , he shrugged his shoulders and leaned in front , he does that every time , when he hears something that goes against his will and wishes , and this was , totally against his ‘only’ wish .

“ talk to them again …… may be we could come down to Delhi and play there “ Satya  said breaking the silence , I knew he was just assuring himself , he knew it wasn’t possible , still a part of him wasn’t ready to except what had just happened .

For the past 2 years I had been following their band , in fact I always I felt a part  of  their band  , small , still significant .

I poured a heavy shot for myself , I wanted to get away from the uneasiness that had crept inside me , I wanted to kill the space inside my stomach that was making me pukish .

The lights had started to blurr , the neat alcohol was gushing in my veins , it was making its way to every possible nook and corner of my body .

I was taken back to the drizzling night , climbing the wet and slippery stairs , hunting the origin of the sound that had kept the anger inside me alive , the sound that had kept the blood gush in my streams.

I was standing outside the doors of the conference hall on the top floor of the lab building , mean metallic sounds could be heard from a distance , sounds of sticks ramming the drums , shredding of the guitar , base that took the sound to distance and the high pitch mean voice which made every passerby gaze in excitement and surprise of  the happenings inside the place .

As I opened the door , I was welcomed by a mean energetic sound , It was like being welcomed on door , by a really huge and muscular bouncer wearing a mean black tee of a heavy metal playing pub , where you only see people head banging to every beat  of the ‘sound’ .

it’s not a song , it’s a sound , it’s a noise , a really heavy noise , coz its mean , heavy and destructive and surpasses all definitions of  a song .

Inside I saw Bakri  shredding the guitar , it was making screeching sounds , like a horse neighing , ready to run on the turf , the sounds could cause some serious and heavy hemorrhage inside , they were some real destructive sounds .

Behind the drums , ramming the skin was Satya , the strong sounds had made this puny ,  little thing look like a giant , a real big creature , like the ones you run away from  in your dreams , which try to stamp you under their big feet .

Holding the base was Jit , all the organs inside me vibrated as his slender fingers moved on the strings . I could feel all the commas and all the stops in their songs . “YEAHH ! !”

he screamed , I felt like I exploded inside , and my blood had stained the walls .

I couldn’t help myself , my head had started moving , it had started ramming in the air , I was head banging without a choice…

The brain was retiring from the absorbed alcohol , my eyes took me to satya .

He was trying to hide the tears , he was trying to look away from everyone , from himself , and from what he was witnessing .

I felt awfully sad for him , I knew it would take a hundred inside him to absorb the pain , not because of his abstinence from booze , but because he would not talk about it to anyone , he would keep all inside him and let it eat him away .

Damn , I hated him for this , he made me feel small and insignificant , I loathed him and I loathed myself , ‘damn you crazy fucker’ I screamed inside ‘talk to me , you son of a bitch ’…

I had to pour one more for myself , this time a larger one , hoping it was large enough

to poison me to death . They had fucking slaughtered my dream in front of my own eyes , and I didn’t ‘ve anyone to blame . ‘Fuckin MOTHER FUCKERS’ , I was still screaming inside.

Resting my head on the wall ,  I was in the past again , while my eyes searched for something nonexistent on the dirty yellow walls , trying to find patterns on it .

“PESIT “ , I read the sign board outside the college , we walked in through the fest crowd , making our way to the venue where battle of bands was about to begin .

I remembered looking at the beasts like giant creatures wearing mean black tees , long tangled hair and heavy beards , carrying guitar and equipments near the arena , my eyes took me to them , they looked like two thin slices of cheese and a heavy burger , that’s all could come to mind , I guess I was hungry too .

When their turn came , they went and played on the stage , I never enjoy , when they are on stage , I ‘ve to bear every moment , its kind of hard for me , I ‘ve to hear them through the sounds people make in the audience , and all the time my ears remain alert for comments , but ya , haven’t heard many till now .

It was an awesome show , I didn’t know it was going to be among  the last ones , else I would ve gone upstage and hugged them after the performance , possibly kissed their cheeks too .

The silence was no longer prevalent in the room now , they had cried , marks of tears still visible  on their cheeks , they were kidding each other , reliving the past days of glory , still hurt from the inside , smiling , hiding truth on the outside .

My eyes were feeling heavy , didn’t know when they closed themselves , deep inside I was still hoping , it was a bad dream , just a nightmare , everything would be the same on the breakfast table .

 

“lets go I am hungry , ‘ll eat an egg puff “ it was Satya , I realized the class was over , I got up , took my wallet and stared walking.

‘fucking nefro feliacs ‘ , inside somewhere I was still screaming , but it was lost among other sounds , other songs of life…